Deletion of “Malaysian Drivers” post

I have decided to remove a satirical post I did earlier on due to feedback that it was of bad taste and reflected negatively on me as a person. It seems to me that I’m not evil enough to pull off these kinda stunts. Anyways, I think it’s for the best…

Tribute to The Beatles

There are a few people whom I wish to honor with a mosaic…starting with one of my favourites, The Beatles… (Long live Paul and Ringo, we’ll always remember you, John and George, and screw you, Yoko Ono! <—just had to add that in…despised the bitch)

The Flickr Game

I saw this game on each of the Pelf sisters’ blogs and thought I’d have a go at it as well…

Well…TA-DAAA~!

 

My answers are confidential…:P

Lonesome George 2

BIG NEWS~! READ ALL ABOUT IT~! Lonesome George FINALLY got frisky and mated with a similar species~! WOO HOO~! He might not be so lonesome after all…now all we gotta do is wait to see if the eggs are fertilized…

Check out the details here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080722/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_galapagos_george;_ylt=AngC6UH8NR7R.91HSq_gyCvtiBIF

What a fucking versatile word…

The word “FUCK”

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colourful words in the English language today is the word “fuck”. It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language, “fuck” falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn’t give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I’m late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she’s also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word “fuck”.Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

1. Fraud: “I got fucked by the car dealer.”
2. Resignation: “Oh, fuck it!”
3. Trouble: “I guess I’m fucked now.”
4. Aggression: “FUCK YOU!”
5. Disgust: “Fuck me.”
6. Confusion: “What the fuck…….?”
7. Difficulty: “I don’t understand this fucking business!”
8. Despair: “Fucked again…”
9. Pleasure: “I fucking couldn’t be happier.”
10. Displeasure: “What the fuck is going on here?”
11. Lost: “Where the fuck are we.”
12. Disbelief: “UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!” or “How the fuck did you do that?”
13. Retaliation: “Up your fucking ass!”
14. Denial: “I didn’t fucking do it.”
15. Perplexity: “I know fuck all about it.”
16. Apathy: “Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?”
17. Greetings: “How the fuck are ya?”
18. Suspicion: “Who the fuck are you?”
19. Panic: “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
20. Directions: “Fuck off.”

It can be used in an anatomical description- “He’s a fucking asshole.”
It can be used to tell time- “It’s five fucking thirty.”
It can be used in business- “How did I wind up with this fucking job?”
It can be maternal- “Motherfucker.”
It can be political- “Fuck Dan Quayle!”

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:
“What the fuck was that?” Mayor of Hiroshima
“Where did all these fucking Indians come from?” General Custer
“Where the fuck is all this water coming from?” Captain of the Titanic

Kudos to the fucker that came up this fucking hilarious shit… 

A dimwit a day gets the doctor his pay…

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything and I usually post stuff about conservation and comedy and other mundane shit…but today, I’m gonna bitch about dimwitted people on this planet and how they are detrimental to our health~!

So it goes like this…

I went to an appreciation lunch at E&O, Penang because I worked on some project that successfully shipped and all that jazz. Fast forward to after the buffet lunch…you see, E&O has this cool coffee machine where you can just press a button for a cappuccino, espresso, macchiato or latte.

Here’s how it works for an espresso…you place your coffee cup under the outlet nozzle and press the button that says ESPRESSO once and you get 1 shot of espresso, twice for 2 shots and so on. For the other types of coffee, one button press does the job for exactly one cup.

PS: If you do not already know what an espresso is, you should just shrivel up and die right now. Or you could get your katak ass out from under your tempurung and read up here before your next Starbucks visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Espresso

So here I am waiting in line for my after-dessert espresso behind this dude probably from another company lunch. He puts a cup under the nozzle…so far so good. At least he didn’t try to fit the saucer underneath as well. Next, he proceeds to press the ESPRESSO button and after some coffee bean grinding and gurgling sounds from the machine, out comes 1 shot of espresso. The dude stares at it in disbelief as if there is a malfuntion with the machine because it just filled a 1/4 of his cup with coffee. After a few more seconds of staring and oblivious to the long line forming behind him, he presses the button again…here comes the 2nd shot. Again, more staring…1/2 cup this time. I’m starting to think this guy doesn’t know what an espresso is. He presses the button and the 3rd shot comes out…3/4 cup but he still looks dissatisfied. Now I’m starting to think that he should switch back 3-in-1 Nescafe. He presses the button for the 4th time~! Now the cup is full and I’m assuming he’s finally gonna fuck off and down 4 shots of espresso and suffer an aneurysm or something, but NOOOOOOO….he still stares at the cup and you wouldn’t believe the stupidity that comes next…he was about to attempt to press the button AGAIN~! To fill his close to overflowing cup of espresso?!?! WHAT THE FUCK?! 

I know I should have stopped him and said something but I was frozen witnessing such stupidity. Luckily, a waiter saw what was going to happen and stopped him in time. What happens next should earn this guy some award for idiotism or something la…the waiter asks him, “Sir, can I help you? What would you like to drink?”. The dumb fuck answers, “Cappuccino”. WHAT THE FUCK?!??!??! I had this great urge to slap him on the back of his head and ask him if he knows how to READ the fucking label on the button before wasting 4 shots of espresso. I damn pantang people waste food and being very passionate about coffee, that’s a double shot of pantang man~! BLOODY FUCKING BASTARD~!

The waiter, with a straight face, calmly checks the fresh milk container and inlet tube, takes a new cup and proceeds to press the CAPPUCCINO button and walks away leaving the stupid bastard to collect his fucking cappuccino. Guess what the dumb fuck does…he stares at the damn cappuccino. What the fuck was he waiting for? For the milk foam to evaporate so that he can check to see if there’s real coffee beneath?! I was really losing my cool and was about to throw some much deserved sarcasm at him when he was finally convinced that it was a fucking cappuccino and left with it.

FINALLY…I had my turn at the machine. Since that dumb fuck took so long and the line behind me was getting restless and irritated, I had to settle with a single shot of espresso. As I walked away to get the brown sugar, the lady behind me looked into my cup and with a shocked expression on her face exclaimed to me, “Wah~! So little coffee only ar?”.

………   (Someone please remove all sharp objects around me before I hurt someone…) 

Being already pissed off with the first dumb fuck, I was thinking to myself, “Yes, you fucking idiot~! It’s called a SINGLE shot of espresso, which is 1 fucking fluid ounce. How much do you think that is? One fucking bottle of Pepsi ar? Which is what I think you should be drinking instead”…but instead, I answered, “He he, yeah…”

I swear those two are from the same company man…probably a factory manufaturing idiots.

The lesson of the story is this:

It is not free radicals, red meat pumped with antibiotics, alcohol or junk food that is destroying our health…it’s fucking idiots with high levels of stupidity that cause people unnecessary stress resulting in high blood pressure and heart attacks. I wish the new government would legalize 50 kV Tasers to incapacitate dumb fucks before they can even start disseminating their stupidity to the general public.

Lonesome George

Some of you have probably heard of this old fellow named Lonesome George. This fine old fellow is the rarest reptile in the world and there’s a reason for this…he is the only one left (hence the name Lonesome George, genius…). He is also known as the Pinta Giant Tortoise and scientifically known as Geochelone abingdoni. This guy is a heavyweight man…88kg and 102cm in length~! He is also one of the smaller species…size is relative on Galapagos. He is roughly 60~90 years old. Darwin probably met his parents…

The reason why this fellow is left alone is no surprise…tortoise hunting for meat. Also, some dumb fuck introduced goats on Pinta Island (one of the Galapagos islands). In case you’re wondering what have goats got to do with their massive demise, goats ate all their veggies…

So anyways, I thought I’d just give you readers a glimpse of this wonderful reptile… 🙂

I wanna play like this~!

I’m a fan of classical and accoustic guitars but I downright suck at playing both. This dude that I just found on YouTube is like WHOA~! to me man…I love songs by Queen and this is about the best as it can get…I am going to learn at least one part of Bohemian Rhapsody even if all the flesh on my fingertips turn to blisters~!

Bohemian Rhapsody by Edgar Cruz

Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Edgar Cruz

Excerpts 

My Chelonians…

For the non-reptile inclined people out there, Chelonians are defined as an order of the Reptilia, subclass Anapsida, including turtles, terrapins and tortoises. This order is also known as the Testudines. Source: http://www.answers.com/topic/chelonia-3 <—read more here.

Though there are many contradicting definitions of turtles, tortoises and terrapins due to regional preference (the Brits call turtles tortoises), here is my definition for each of them:

Turtles: Semi-aquatic omnivors with webbed feet. Can be divided into freshwater or marine species. Freshwater examples are your typical Red-Eared Slider (RES) <— the Ninja Turtle one, and for marine species, you’ve got your Hawksbill Turtle etc. etc. <—ask Pelf for more info on marine turtles.

PS: I forgot to mention that marine turtles have FLIPPERS not webbed feet.

Terrapins: Semi-aquatic omnivors with webbed feet. Usually trives in brackish water (Saltwater + Freshwater) such as marshes. Examples are the Diamondback Terrapin (DBT) and River Terrapin or Tuntung. <— I may be wrong so ask Pelf for more info. 😛

Tortoises: Terrestial herbivors with club-shaped feet with reduced toes adapted for walking on land. Will NOT swim and will drown in deep water. Most have a high dome carapace (top shell) with the exception of the Pancake Tortoise and moves pretty slow. Can be found mainly in savannahs and deserts. Examples are the famous Galapagos Tortoise and the Indian Star Tortoise.

I know many people who only think of marine turtles as turtles and freshwater ones as terrapins or tortoises. Then you have the more ignorant ones who call everything with a shell a tortoise. But I don’t give a damn and I’m tired of arguing with these fools, so these are my definitions whether you like it or not~!

Now comes the interesting part…pictures of my pet chelonians~!

Meet Maurice, the Chinese Striped-neck Turtle aka Golden Thread Turtle (Ocadia Sinensis). This species can be found in Myanmar and the surrounding regions.

Here, he is basking on my DIY island.

He’s camera shy… GERONIMO~! *SPLASH~!*

Here’s a close-up of the handsome bugger…

This is Georgie, my beloved Indian Star Tortoise hatchling which died from Upper Respiratory Infection (URI). I miss the cute little bugger… T_T

Honor and a penis…

This is one of my favourite English translated Shin Chan episodes…

“To be a man, you must have honor, honor and a peeenis…uuUUuuuuu”  HAHAHAHAHAHA~!