It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything and I usually post stuff about conservation and comedy and other mundane shit…but today, I’m gonna bitch about dimwitted people on this planet and how they are detrimental to our health~!
So it goes like this…
I went to an appreciation lunch at E&O, Penang because I worked on some project that successfully shipped and all that jazz. Fast forward to after the buffet lunch…you see, E&O has this cool coffee machine where you can just press a button for a cappuccino, espresso, macchiato or latte.
Here’s how it works for an espresso…you place your coffee cup under the outlet nozzle and press the button that says ESPRESSO once and you get 1 shot of espresso, twice for 2 shots and so on. For the other types of coffee, one button press does the job for exactly one cup.
PS: If you do not already know what an espresso is, you should just shrivel up and die right now. Or you could get your katak ass out from under your tempurung and read up here before your next Starbucks visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Espresso
So here I am waiting in line for my after-dessert espresso behind this dude probably from another company lunch. He puts a cup under the nozzle…so far so good. At least he didn’t try to fit the saucer underneath as well. Next, he proceeds to press the ESPRESSO button and after some coffee bean grinding and gurgling sounds from the machine, out comes 1 shot of espresso. The dude stares at it in disbelief as if there is a malfuntion with the machine because it just filled a 1/4 of his cup with coffee. After a few more seconds of staring and oblivious to the long line forming behind him, he presses the button again…here comes the 2nd shot. Again, more staring…1/2 cup this time. I’m starting to think this guy doesn’t know what an espresso is. He presses the button and the 3rd shot comes out…3/4 cup but he still looks dissatisfied. Now I’m starting to think that he should switch back 3-in-1 Nescafe. He presses the button for the 4th time~! Now the cup is full and I’m assuming he’s finally gonna fuck off and down 4 shots of espresso and suffer an aneurysm or something, but NOOOOOOO….he still stares at the cup and you wouldn’t believe the stupidity that comes next…he was about to attempt to press the button AGAIN~! To fill his close to overflowing cup of espresso?!?! WHAT THE FUCK?!
I know I should have stopped him and said something but I was frozen witnessing such stupidity. Luckily, a waiter saw what was going to happen and stopped him in time. What happens next should earn this guy some award for idiotism or something la…the waiter asks him, “Sir, can I help you? What would you like to drink?”. The dumb fuck answers, “Cappuccino”. WHAT THE FUCK?!??!??! I had this great urge to slap him on the back of his head and ask him if he knows how to READ the fucking label on the button before wasting 4 shots of espresso. I damn pantang people waste food and being very passionate about coffee, that’s a double shot of pantang man~! BLOODY FUCKING BASTARD~!
The waiter, with a straight face, calmly checks the fresh milk container and inlet tube, takes a new cup and proceeds to press the CAPPUCCINO button and walks away leaving the stupid bastard to collect his fucking cappuccino. Guess what the dumb fuck does…he stares at the damn cappuccino. What the fuck was he waiting for? For the milk foam to evaporate so that he can check to see if there’s real coffee beneath?! I was really losing my cool and was about to throw some much deserved sarcasm at him when he was finally convinced that it was a fucking cappuccino and left with it.
FINALLY…I had my turn at the machine. Since that dumb fuck took so long and the line behind me was getting restless and irritated, I had to settle with a single shot of espresso. As I walked away to get the brown sugar, the lady behind me looked into my cup and with a shocked expression on her face exclaimed to me, “Wah~! So little coffee only ar?”.
……… (Someone please remove all sharp objects around me before I hurt someone…)
Being already pissed off with the first dumb fuck, I was thinking to myself, “Yes, you fucking idiot~! It’s called a SINGLE shot of espresso, which is 1 fucking fluid ounce. How much do you think that is? One fucking bottle of Pepsi ar? Which is what I think you should be drinking instead”…but instead, I answered, “He he, yeah…”
I swear those two are from the same company man…probably a factory manufaturing idiots.
The lesson of the story is this:
It is not free radicals, red meat pumped with antibiotics, alcohol or junk food that is destroying our health…it’s fucking idiots with high levels of stupidity that cause people unnecessary stress resulting in high blood pressure and heart attacks. I wish the new government would legalize 50 kV Tasers to incapacitate dumb fucks before they can even start disseminating their stupidity to the general public.
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